renisanz: angelo, jono, & jubilee watching tv (sheldon take-out)
renisanz ([personal profile] renisanz) wrote2010-01-29 05:11 pm
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[livejournal.com profile] paradox_drabble WIP

Tentative Title: "Academia"

“No, no, that's not right.”

Penny squeezed her eyes shut and pursed her lips, her teeth grinding together slightly as she set her jaw to keep from cussing him out. It wasn't his fault (totally) that he was being a jerk.

She counted. One. Two. Three. Breathed out, and then slowly turned around.

“What. Now?” she asked. Sheldon sighed and stood up, unfolding himself from

She shoved the cap onto the marker and checked it away. She didn't hear the satisfying sound of it clattering to the floor, and it merely swung around the whiteboard from where it was tethered. (Tethered?! Definitely been spending too much time with with Mr. Walking Dictionary.)
 

Penny had not moved from her place in front of the whiteboard and she was surprised to find Sheldon standing at her back, not touching her, but she could feel the heat of him even though the layers of his two shirts.

. . .

My muse wants to make this into a continuation of The Expert Diversion
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[identity profile] renisanz.livejournal.com 2010-04-09 04:45 am (UTC)(link)
Well, it's not finished and I know I need to write in some steps to get from one point to another...

But yes. I really want feedback. :) *steels self*

[identity profile] allthingsholy.livejournal.com 2010-04-09 04:53 am (UTC)(link)
LOL, no need to steel yourself, my comments are mostly on typos?

She shoved the cap onto the marker and checked it away.

Should that be "chucked"?

...large hand coming to cup just behind he elbow, holding her steady and pulling her closer at once.

That should either be "the" or "her," I'm not sure.

Other than that, I love the parentheticals (Is the door even locked?) and the idea of Penny waiting to be caught. A++.

Other than that, maybe a final read-through for tense wonks, but I really like it!
Edited 2010-04-09 04:54 (UTC)

[identity profile] renisanz.livejournal.com 2010-04-09 04:58 am (UTC)(link)
Oh thanks. I admit I'm very bad with typos, even when I read through stuff myself. And I was worried about the tenses. I was an art major, ok? LOL.

I just wanted to know if this was "working" so I'm glad for the confirmation. :)

Thanks for taking the time to look it over. :)
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