paradox_drabble WIP

[renisanz]

Tentative Title: "Academia"

“No, no, that's not right.”

Penny squeezed her eyes shut and pursed her lips, her teeth grinding together slightly as she set her jaw to keep from cussing him out. It wasn't his fault (totally) that he was being a jerk.

She counted. One. Two. Three. Breathed out, and then slowly turned around.

“What. Now?” she asked. Sheldon sighed and stood up, unfolding himself from

She shoved the cap onto the marker and checked it away. She didn't hear the satisfying sound of it clattering to the floor, and it merely swung around the whiteboard from where it was tethered. (Tethered?! Definitely been spending too much time with with Mr. Walking Dictionary.)
 

Penny had not moved from her place in front of the whiteboard and she was surprised to find Sheldon standing at her back, not touching her, but she could feel the heat of him even though the layers of his two shirts.

. . .

My muse wants to make this into a continuation of The Expert Diversion

Comments

[rodlox.livejournal.com]

please, please continue!

[allthingsholy.livejournal.com]

I like this a lot. Do you really want feedback?

[renisanz.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not finished and I know I need to write in some steps to get from one point to another...

But yes. I really want feedback. :) *steels self*

[allthingsholy.livejournal.com]

LOL, no need to steel yourself, my comments are mostly on typos?

She shoved the cap onto the marker and checked it away.

Should that be "chucked"?

...large hand coming to cup just behind he elbow, holding her steady and pulling her closer at once.

That should either be "the" or "her," I'm not sure.

Other than that, I love the parentheticals (Is the door even locked?) and the idea of Penny waiting to be caught. A++.

Other than that, maybe a final read-through for tense wonks, but I really like it!

[renisanz.livejournal.com]

Oh thanks. I admit I'm very bad with typos, even when I read through stuff myself. And I was worried about the tenses. I was an art major, ok? LOL.

I just wanted to know if this was "working" so I'm glad for the confirmation. :)

Thanks for taking the time to look it over. :)

[evening-shadow.livejournal.com]

I'm hoping the three little dots signifies a missing chunk because right now, this feels like two separate fics. There are also some sentence structure problems and word issues, as noted by the other commenters. The second half is better and you do a great job in capturing the physicality of the moment. I loved this line:

"If she opens her eyes to him saying "Bazinga," she will slug him. No remorse."

I look forward to the next draft.

[renisanz.livejournal.com]

I'm hoping the three little dots signifies a missing chunk because right now...

Yes, they do. In my mind, I had a hard time getting from one point to the other, so I just jumped ahead to what was the clearest picture in my mind. I tend to agree that the first part is another fic entirely, so I may take it out and save to be further developed at another time.

I have edited a few of the tense problems in Google Docs. Just have yet to transfer the changes over to this version.

Thanks. :)